My beautiful love and my other half, Olivia,
You are truely the biggest blessing in my life. I’ve put you through a lot in the time we’ve been together, and I’m often amazed to still call you mine. When I fell, you were right there for me, when a lesser person would have turned their back, and by the grace of God you stuck by me in spite of my foolish past. I love you so, so very much and I wish only for your unconditional happiness. I mean it when I say I can’t even begin to imagine my life without you. I can’t wait to share everyday with you. Happy Valentine’s Day.
All my unconditional love,
Dear S, i’ve come to a realization that i am in love with you but i don’t love you. In fact i hate you for the way you make me feel.
With you i feel so safe and so comfortable and i can’t not smile when i’m with you.
I will never be the girl you desire, and that makes me sad because i will never be good enough for you.
I ended it before more damage could be done. Its a flashback of our past in the present, but this time i really have to let you go.
I want you to be happy and i like making you happy, but i exist too, and my happiness counts as well.
Since the day I met you, I only ever wanted to be with you. How easy it is to fall in love and yet so difficult it is to live knowing you love someone so very much that you would die a thousand deaths for them.
I had a wall built higher than soul can hope or mind can hide and then somehow you managed to find a crack in that hole. Now that wall has been reinforced and I never wish to be without it. I never want to love again if it hurts this much to lose it. The happiness of love is not worth this pain.
When I started that job, before I had even met you, I felt you. There was something in that building drawing me in, tempting me with something I could have only dared to dream of, a love so beautiful that it would take my breath away. And you did, I couldn’t breathe. I saw you and instantly my heart knew what it had waited so long for. I knew more about you in a few short months that I would about anyone else in a lifetime. I traced every part of you and memorized every freckle, forever burned into my head.
It’s always funny to me, matters of the heart. My heart that still continues to beat even when it’s been shattered in pieces. My heart that still has the ability to love even after its love has been ripped from it. The heart can be torn and thrown around, ripped, and shredded, and yet it still remains, there in our chest, forever beating against our skin, reminding us that we are alive and that a broken heart kills you in a much different way than death. My heart breaking has brought unbearable sadness to my life. A sadness that is so overwhelming that it has crushed my spirit and kills me ever so slowly. Every day it yearns for him, and every day that separates my from him it breaks a little more. Soon there will be nothing left of me but a shell of what I once was. A shell without the ability to love or feel or live.
They say that the heart that loves withstands the test of time, but the heart that loves and loses only has the strength to withstand what is left in the bitterness that follows a heartbreak. Time has only weakened me and brought about more sadness then I ever imagined.
My love, you have no idea how much I love you. No one on this earth has any idea how much. Every single love in this world is different and everyone loves differently. Never does the same love happen twice. Never will anyone love you the way I do, and for that, I am sorry. I did not chose this, and I would never chose for you to live the rest of your life with a mediocre love. I have loved you more than the sun, the moon, and the stars, and baby, you know how I feel about those damn stars. I am sorry that you may experience a love for someone similar to the love I have for you, but that that someone will never love you back with any of the same similarities.
This love is mine, never to be shared, and I will carry it for the rest of my life because I have been too much of a coward to tell you that I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. In that, I mean that I have loved you too much to be afraid of whatever life has to throw at me, for none of it matters and nothing is as terrifying as loving someone. The depth of my love is infinite and I never told you.
My precious friend, I recall the chilling silent black darkness that surrounded me every moment when you were not around. It has been more then 10 months since you made the split, your second decision that was to change your world. It certainly changed mine. For ten months I have stood mummy-like in the centre of a spiral of questions that bounced back off the stars to return unanswered, just the same questions ringing ever louder in my ears. It is a strange sensation.
The way those questions take the rainbow splashes of color which you, my love, my best friend, splashed with the freedom of a child on the canvas of my life, and blend them with dizzying speed into each other. So I stand at the centre of something quite terrifying, yet strangely beautiful. Every so often there is peace there as one of those magnificent colors, the hue of another beautiful memory, washes over and through me and I smile through my tears.
Can I go on? If every pair of eyes capable of reading was to read these words, would it make a difference? Will they help to silence those unanswered questions, those things I’ll wish forever that I’d said to you rather than “I have to go, good-bye”? Will they wrap them up tightly for me in a box, nail it shut with a million nails and throw them, with the force of the whole earth, out beyond the stars never to bounce back and deafen me again?
No. My canvas will always have, as a backdrop, that hauntingly beautiful spiral of color. What is it I want to say …? I am sorry. I am sorry that I was young and selfish and insensitive and careless. I am sorry that by your action, you became my teacher - the teacher of so many painful lessons, when I’d much rather you’d stayed my lover. Actually, that is what I really want to say to you. I love you. I have hurt, and in my aching condition of guilt and self-loathing, I have hurt other people. It is to them that I owe an apology. But this is my love letter to you.
Sometimes I wish that I never knew you. Like a child allowed chocolate just once, then never again, I’ve struggled to find satisfaction in a world of unshared pleasures. Yes, I have shared many things with many people - but my soul has always ached for you. I remember how strangely you were acting in our last week together. So strangely that I even asked to myself, you were thinking of “doing something silly. Strangely though, when you left, I had to stop myself from shouting out and running to you and holding you and telling you the words that choke me still, I love you.
Would it have made a difference if I had? I have become a firm believer that nothing happens by chance. In fact, I have learnt to look for meaning and signs in the world around me all the time now. Do you remember the first time when we went to Barista? It was the sweetest drink I ever had in my whole life. But because of my unknowingly mistakes you disappeared. What a cruel destiny. I wonder how many people realized how deep the water I had landed in was. Perhaps I was drowning. Would I have realized what a precious gift I had been given and treasured it with my life will cross our paths several months later?
“If,” … What a useless word! A ticket to an eternal preoccupation with the past - and with how it could have been. It was the way it was. It is the way it is. And that is that. We make the choices we have to make. Yes, we may look back and realize how wrong or foolish we were to have taken the route we did, but the fact remains we can only make today’s choices with today’s information, wisdom, and providence. I realize all this now - but heaven alone knows how I have stretched the tape of my mind’s eye, rewinding and re-playing those last few conversations, imagining what would have happened if….
Writing to you now - I feel movement through a kaleidoscope of emotions. Sometimes I’ve the instinct to sink deep into pits of the earth, beyond the damp darkness into the molten heat of the earth’s core and there be consumed by hell’s flames. It was my fault. I saw the accusations in your eyes whenever I had met you. But even more so, I saw it staring back at me when I looked in the mirror. I had lessons to learn. I would have to get up every morning, even when I had not slept all night and wanted to bury myself beneath the covers and cry and cry every tear that bloated me. I would have to look at the reflection staring back at me and, eventually, I’d have to learn to love it.
No simple task. Only now that I am beginning to see goodness in the eyes reflected in my mirror do I see how deep my guilt and self-hatred has run. Suffice to say that I have not been kind to myself. I have tried to escape in foolish ways. I have avoided my own work and allowed my talents to stagnate. But the arms of God have held me gently, so I have escaped any serious harm, and through it all I have grown.
My sweet, sweet angel, people have told me how selfish I was and how angry you have a right to be. I am not angry with you. Please know this. I am ready for love now, to give and receive it. So please say good-bye. Not to the kaleidoscope of colors, or the memories or the love that will cross forever, but good-bye to the pain and the prison of self-loathing that was my previous life.
Your truly & everlasting friend,
My Dearest Girl,
I have been a walk this morning with a book in my hand, but as usual, I have been occupied with nothing but you: I wish I could say in an agreeable manner. I am tormented day and night. They talk of my going to Italy. ‘Tis certain I shall never recover if I am to be so long separate from you: yet with all this devotion to you I cannot persuade myself into any confidence of you….
You are to me an object intensely desirable — the air I breathe in a room empty of you in unhealthy. I am not the same to you — no — you can wait — you have a thousand activities — you can be happy without me. Any party, anything to fill up the day has been enough.
How have you pass’d this month? Who have you smil’d with? All this may seem savage in me. You do not feel as I do — you do not know what it is to love — one day you may — your time is not come….
I cannot live without you, and not only you but chaste you; virtuous you. The Sun rises and sets, the day passes, and you follow the bent of your inclination to a certain extent — you have no conception of the quantity of miserable feeling that passes through me in a day — Be serious! Love is not a plaything — and again do not write unless you can do it with a crystal conscience. I would sooner die for want of you than —
Yours for ever
(John Keats to Fanny Brawne)
At the moment, I am just sitting here thinking of you and everything that we have been through … and I would say I have no idea how we have made it so far, if I did not believe in there being one person that you are destined to be with, but I do. Baby, we have had our share of ups and downs, plus more. Things have happened to us that we can truly say no others have had to go through, but still we have made it through.
When we first met I did not know how to trust anymore. The spirit of life had been taken away, but somehow you have helped me find it again. At the time that we met, I was going through some things, but when others turned their backs on me … you stood strong. You were determined to be there for me and for that I thank God every day that he sent you to me. If I would have known that when I told about my past you would be there to help me through it then I would have told you a long time ago.
And honestly, I know that I start things between us sometimes … okay, a lot of the time, but even you know - well, to be honest you are the only one who knows why. Baby, you know that it took a lot from me to trust you, but now I do. I am so happy that you are still here with me, being patient, and still the only one by my side. So many people say that I will not make it far in life, but they do not understand me, let alone know me. So many of those people do not know how hard you push me to make something of myself. In the past, I honestly believed that I would not make it anywhere, but now I know that as long as I am happy and still alive, with you by my side I am doing great.
Every day that I wake up and every night before I fall asleep, I thank God that we met, because without you I would still be nothing. Through the hard times you have held my hand, through the rough times you have held me close, and through the ups and downs you have stayed by my side. What else could I ask for? Even when I am sick you tuck me in. You have brought back the person that everyone loved and helped me learn to be the person I always wanted to be. Some people say that when you are with someone for a long time, you create a bond with them, and now that we have been together for a while, I honestly believe it, because only you know the meaning of the words you-you, and only you know how much they mean to me. What kind of person would I be to give you up? Where would I be? All I know is that I would go crazy without you.
I honestly do not know exactly what I am saying in this letter, except I am sorry for anything stupid I have started an argument about in the past, and thank you for sticking with me. I know that this does not even measure up to the many promises that you have made to me and kept, but I promise to you that from this day forward I will try my hardest and do my best to keep from doing anything that will hurt us in any way because I never want to be without you. You are my one and only … for always.
It will always be you that brings fireworks into my life, not just on the 4th of July but every day before and after. I will always love you. Whether we are together or not, my love for you is still as strong as it was in the beginning. Maybe stronger because I am more determined than ever that we belong together. Now if I could only get you to believe it too and to stop being so afraid. I will never hurt you; I will never leave you. I love you unconditionally. I have seen both the best and the worst of you and I love you more because of that. I want to go back to where we were. I want to be even better than that. You know it’s right, that’s why even though we have been broken up for over a year; we still find our way back to each other every time we see one another. We can’t stay away. I see your love for me in your eyes, in your smile and my love for you is reflected back at you every time I look at you.
I love you,
My Dearest, Julian,
How I wish I could undo all that has happened. I want nothing more than to love you, to make you happy. I wish there were words to describe how much in love with you I am, but words cannot come close to expressing how I feel.
I have been calling you my Marshmallow Man because you have the softest, sweetest heart I have ever known. I’m not letting you go! I would be the biggest fool ever should I do that. You have spoiled me, made me feel so special with your love. More than that, you have made me whole. Without you, I am incomplete; there is a great void in me. I dare not imagine life without you for the mere thought terrifies me.
You are my world, my life and my love … always. You didn’t just steal my heart; you are my heart, my soul, my everything.
There have been so many mistakes made, so many wrongs that cannot be undone. Oh, how I wish I had a magic wand and could take away all the pain I have caused you. Let me make it right. Let me show you how much you mean to me. Please, give me a chance.
I love you so much. I can’t lose you. I won’t give up on us. I love you more than I can possible tell you, let me show you. I promise I will love you like you ought to be loved … forever.
Your Little Mouse
From the very first moment I saw you I knew that we were destined to be together. It has been so long since a woman has captured my attention so fully or made my heart beat the way it did that cool day in May. Your smile lights up my entire spirit. Your laughter fills me with joy, and your mere presence will warm any room. I have no doubt you are the woman Heaven has made especially for me.
Thank you for the comfortable conversations and for asking me to be yours. Most importantly, thank you for sharing your love and wanting to make me your husband. No matter how slowly or at what distance our courtship developes, I know standing before God and our future family, vowing to be your partner for life, was the easiest decision I could have ever made.
Each day that passes makes our love for each other grow stronger. Although I know it’s hard for us to be apart, I know there is nothing that can keep us apart forever. Our desires will continue to stretch across any distance, over every mountain and ocean between us. Nothing can stand between us, and nothing will stop me from meeting you.
You are my future and nothing can ever keep us from our destiny. I miss you more every day. I am here with open arms where you will some day finally arrive… right where you belong.
If the advice is right, then a wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.
I am not a wise girl.
Every time I kiss you, I fall a little more in love. Every time I realize just how I feel for you, or any time you do something that reminds me why I love you, I kiss you. And every time I kiss you, on the hand or on the cheek or on your lips or anywhere else, I am telling you I love you.
When you talk with me, I believe you. I listen, and I believe. Do I believe blindly? No; I interpret and analyze and take what I need from it. But do I believe you? Yes. I believe you when you tell me I’m beautiful. I believe you when you tell me I can do it. I believe you when you tell me we can work on it together. I believe you when you tell me that you love me.
And how could I ever leave you, simply to spare myself the possibility of an impending heartbreak? I should rather take my hand and twine it with yours, rest my head against your chest and hear the thump-thump, thump-thump of your steady and reassuring heartbeat. I have yet to discover all the things that make you smile, that make you laugh. I have yet to discover the things which upset you, and the things that soothe you. I have yet to discover you. Even should I live to be a thousand years, I do not think I would ever know the full truth of everything you are. And how can I leave you before I know that answer?
So I kiss and love, I listen and believe, and I cannot leave you—I do not wish to leave you. If it makes me stupid and foolish to be as such, then I will wear the jester’s cap proudly, skipping and singing all down the way. The world may laugh, the world may jeer, the world may understand.
I never claimed to be wise.
I should rather be your fool than anything else, or perhaps I shall be just the clown that amuses the world with my romantic follies.
I will be stupid and foolish in love before I will be wise and somber and looking out for the consequences to my heart. I wear it on my sleeves, and every time I hold your hand, my heart beats there, between us, pounding so loudly I am always amazed you never hear it.
I am not a wise girl.
But I am a happy one—and oh, God bless that I should always be happy rather than wise!
Submitted by buddhas-bicycle